9.09.2010

master cleanse, days 2 & 3: lemonade, my best friend



So, I daydream/research a lot about what I'm going to put in my mouth next. Lunch during a work day, restaurants to try on the weekend, recipes to collect and hopefully create. I found myself looking at endless photos and reviews on Yelp just to eat them with my eyes.

It's so odd not to eat. As with most working folks, my days are sectioned off by meals, especially at work, when I'm allowed to get off the wheel and nibble in the corner. Now, it's like a weird new space of time has opened up for me to do – wow – whatever I want? Sadly, it has been extra internet trolling time and playing Words With Friends while I sip on the lemonade of fire, which has been growing increasingly more delicious. Maybe delicious is the wrong word. Nicely tolerable, okay, especially when cold. Even the cayenne is growing on me. There were times where I'd chug it and it felt like downing alcohol on an empty stomach. The semi-spicy liquid hitting bottom and warming up my insides. Yeah, I'm pretending it's liquor to feel like I'm imbibing a treat.

Day 2: The SWF was worse today. I woke up with a slightly bloated stomach and decided to kick myself into MC bootcamp again anyway. I snarfed it down over the sink and while it felt like it was settling around the balloon in the center of my tummy, I tried to hula-hoop it all down to take care of business below. More liquid explosion.

I have one tip for girls: it might not be the best timing to do the MC during or before your period. There's going to be a lot of extracurricular activity in the bowels and one more reason to bloat and release stuff might not be too welcomed. Unless you're in for the double whammy challenge, then more power to you.

Fairly easy day, thanks to work sitting on me like a gorilla. I'm actually concerned that I'm not drinking enough of my daily allotment (roughly 70 oz.), but I do have enough to keep me going, unlike B, who has run out of his juice by early afternoon. As a chronic soda drinker, he has started getting bad caffeine withdrawal headaches as in the past when he cut his intake. MC will hopefully be a kickstart in helping him beat the habit for good.

Day 3: I'm getting craftier with the SWF situation and decide to do a salt water concentrate shot (4 oz. water + the 2 tsp. salt) and chase it with the remaining 28 oz. of purified water. My issue isn't the act of chugging. It's the chugging of a saline tidal wave. I'm making stink face just thinking about that super salt shooter, but it was worth it. In regards to the SWF effects, as everyone says, 'Don't fart'! I was marinating on the sofa when I felt an innocent urge. Luckily, I've read so many red flags that I decided to do it over a toilet. Yeah. So please don't.

Still feeling satisfied and even a bit attached to the lemonade elixir. I'm thinking maybe I need a stash of lemons, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper to store away with the earthquake water. When the big one hits, we'll be cleansed and satiated for days with our lemonade while others will be looting the 7-11 across the street for Funyuns and Rockstar Energy drinks. Despite all this, I still totally ate my co-worker's roast chicken with my nostrils.

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